Getting Real: How to Bring Your Whole Self to Work and Thrive

"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken."

Oscar Wilde, writer

One of the questions I hear repeatedly in conversations about working life is, "How do I thrive at work and stay myself?" My answer is always the same: bring authenticity balanced with professionalism. 

These two principles are complementary to me. Authenticity fosters trust. Professionalism earns respect. Together, trust and respect build relationships and drive success. But these words—authenticity, trust, respect, professionalism—are easy to write. How do you make them work in practice?

The role of authenticity at work

Authenticity can be a slippery concept in the workplace. My authenticity is your oversharing; his 'keeping it real' is her 'being gross,' and their ‘no-nonsense politics’ are my reasons for working from home as much as possible. And what has all this got to do with getting the work done, anyway? A workplace is not (or should not be) some kind of social gathering—there's stuff that needs doing!

You’ve probably come across articles that urge readers to ‘bring their whole selves’ to work. This idea gained traction in the 2010s as organizations went big on inclusivity and wanted employees to feel valued and engaged. But breaking down barriers between the office self and the non-office self goes way back. 

Whether it is “Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day” or the much-praised mental health benefits of bringing your pet to work, infusing the office with a bit of life from outside has had its advocates for decades. The argument goes that when employees express their authentic selves, they experience greater job satisfaction, perform better, and are more committed.

But not everyone sees it that way. In late 2024, tech entrepreneur Marc Andreessen cautioned, "The one thing you should never, ever, ever do is bring your full self to work. Leave your full self at home where it belongs and act like a professional and a grownup at work and in public.” The psychologist Rebekah Wanic argued that expecting employees to bring their entire selves to work risks a productivity car crash, confused boundaries, and outright conflict .

What if we share our favorite music with colleagues and they think our taste is terrible? Is it acceptable to share a political opinion if others might disagree with it? What if I talk about my love of extreme sports and people think I’m a needless risk taker in my personal life and wrongly assume I’ll be the same in business? Can you talk about collecting VHS tapes if you work in a cutting-edge tech company without being branded out-of-touch?

The art of sharing personal information in any context—work, social, or family—is in sensing the mood and receptiveness of the group you’re in. Colleagues in a healthy workplace regulate what’s acceptable and what grates with thousands of social cues that most don’t consciously register. But this takes time to develop.

Day one

Picture the scene: it’s your first day in a new job. You don't know anyone, but you're keen to make a good impression. And first impressions count, right? You could max out on extraversion and go big on personal disclosure, or stay in your shell and await developments. Which is it to be?

My response is simple: Start small. I believe authenticity is as much about listening as it is about speaking. Take thoughtful steps. Share selectively and observe how your environment responds. It’s a process of trial and adjustment, not a dramatic unveiling of your whole life story. 

That’s why emotional intelligence is critical. Gauge the moment. Read the room. And remember: the goal is to foster connection, neither to shock or overwhelm nor underwhelm and be invisible.

Authenticity in leaders: Creating a culture of trust and innovation

For leaders, the rules for bringing your whole self to work differ slightly. Workplaces that balance authenticity and professionalism help people thrive. When employees feel safe to be themselves within boundaries, they are more likely to contribute meaningfully. They feel they belong, and belonging is the foundation of loyalty and creativity.

To build this kind of culture, you need mutuality. Reciprocity builds trust. When leaders and team members share appropriately, listen actively, and maintain consistent respect, they create a space where everyone feels valued. One of the most neglected qualities of excellent leadership is consistency. Combined with loyalty and authenticity, it is extremely effective in building a winning team spirit.

Bringing your true self to work means being genuine in ways that align with your role, your team, and your organization’s culture. Start small. Test the waters. Adapt. Authenticity builds trust. Professionalism earns respect. Together, they create an environment where individuals and organizations can flourish. And in my view, that’s what every workplace should strive to achieve.

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Originally published: 26 February 2025